Patheticism

Patheticism isn't just a word, in fact I know such word doesn't exist... But where does it not exist? In your heads, imagination, dictionary? This is my world and I create whatever I want. today's innovation is the word Patheticism. It's when people get off the tracks and start being pathetic realizing that. Just as this is our today's word, I am of course going to talk about it. I hate every patheticist. I hate how they just do stupid stuff getting on someone's nerves and others just adore them for that. They believe he's just being funny. What I hate more is the words "get used to him, he's always been like that". Well guess than I'll soon be giving him a favor with a lesson. I am not the run-and-punch man, I would even keep away from the word man/human, no, I like working carefully, slowly and thoroughly, I do give people a chance even those filthy little stupid patheticists. Yeah just one day is not enough of a reason for me to have my hands on someone but do I have to get that behavior from them once again to start my plague?  People believe I am let's say a not so smart person for assuming others are disrespecting me. Have you been disrespected? If yes then you surely know how it feels, you can never confuse it with something else! No I say let's not bear any disrespect from any patheticist or whoever there is. Back then I remember, I've always been the one they'd want to calm down, why me? Did my face by then yell out MONSTER? I don't what to say anymore, I hate most of the human nature, not because they're humans or whatever, because they do not deserve to be called humans, be along those who are real humans. You are a disgrace to my eyes! I also hate nerds, I have to starts a real ------- spree on real nerds. They go reading books, learning all that by heart and then think they are big enough to say " I assume". Who the hell do you think you are to dare to say that YOU. ASSUME? You're too small of a person to go around and say you assume!!! They only read all those books and learn by heart, they mean nothing themselves but only brag about what they are going to do in the future. They have never seen how it all goes. They only know stupid theory and have never seen what's going on in the real world. Welcome to the cruel world of big life! It's not like in your stupid books. Even those books. Don't get em wrong at this point, I know you might not be agreeing with me but let me clarify, I am not talking about people who are smart and know their stuff, not about books in general either and nor learning. I am talking of this specific type of humans that are too small to do something on their own, they are too scared from this world and they only go learning stuff by heart and say they know everything. Let me just say YOU ARE DIPSHIT!


Now a bit on me, I am still waiting. the answers didn't arrive as I was expecting on 9th. So now I have a whole month to bear and see if I can be happy again. After these few days of silence here I finally got angry again, what's ridiculous is that they never care for you, they always want to let you know that whatever you've done or mean there's gonna be someone whom they'll protect with pleasure. I am disappointed in a lot of things. More so I am full of hatred, darkness and anger more than ever. Seems like my physical embodiment is going to fit as much of it as I fill it with. That is good cause there's no such thing as enough of hate.
Bear with me and I'll show you the world of the descended, I'll tell you about the most terrifying rooms of the Factory and show you the most horrific ideas one can eve receive.

To those who read this...

To those people who read this rage/horror blog, I haven't posted for 2 days already for I didn't have much to say. I haven't been that angry for a day I think and I am doing a bit better. The day I was waiting for is today and is now being decided on the future development of my life along with many many others. I am Waiting for the final results and news. I'll be posting an update later on tonight or tomorrow.

I also want to say thanks to those who read this, even if you do not exist, humans who read this, thank you for giving me a chance to say everything out loudly. Please lets all cross our fingers and hope for the good times to finally embrace me. Please if there's anybody out there comment below, let me know you exist.

V

Lets talk about future. Do you see future?

Do you see future in your friends? In your family? In humanity, work anything... do you see future in anything? Surely there are plans, hopes, dreams right?... How about you write it down all your hopes and dreams... Fine, now scratch it all, make a ball from that paper and throw it at your face. How does it feel? Think thoroughly of each thing you scratch off. Tell you what, it's not even close to what I am feeling with everything literally scratched away and just void and nothing else. Yeah there's a bit of hope, you know my answers that I'm waiting for. 3 days already left and I'm quite skeptical: it is going o be like always, just stupid words here and there and again 'wait for a bit more'. There won't be no 'more' don't you get it? There's none now either, it's only 3 days and one hope. Make it happen!

Ok now I don't really know what my mood is like. Feels empty. I started with ab it of anger but now it just feels empty. I haven't been out for already a week. Haven't seen a single face out there... I have nothing to do out there anymore...

I'm also going to watch the remake of Nightmare on the Elm street, so hopefully it's something good, I'll say my opinion later. As for now, may the luck be with me, I am sincerely hoping to get the things back to how they were or up working somehow else, but working... I need things working, I need that 9th brings the answers the good answers. I'm a bit skeptical as I already said but here's a hoping.

You are the most disrespectful person to me... all of you, humans. Not to me even, your nature is a disgrace to my black empty eyes. You think I have no eyes thus I am blind? You are the one to be blinded by the big chunk of wood while you'er trying to point out other's little sticks in their eyes. You think I'm blind only that I see what you are. Why do you go hurting people that are close to you? Why don't you respect yourself, all you are humans! You think I have no mouth thus I am mute... well I'll tell you then, you aren't even thinking about your close persons, you are just walking forward, just climbing up and you're gonna stab anybody who's just slowing you down... Why do you choose to be with someone while you can be all alone, climbing up your life ladder, earning money and eating it all. well then eat it. Eat the money, eat whatever you want, I hope you'll choke on your way and may be realize that you're being a wrong, miserable piece of nonsense not even worth being called a human being. I hate you for what you are.






Ok breathing again, this is still me and I'm not gone any more insane that what I am. Things are changing their meanings now, 4 days already left and I don't know what to expect. The place is even lonelier and is now full of anger, a left out anger. An unfortunate snort that is not even heard by someone, a sigh that nobody's gonna turn to, a scream for a help that nobody's gonna give... The life is empty now, there's non left in me as a matter of fact... My body is now weak and is slowly giving up... It is painful... I can see pain and i can see blood... Things are getting tight on me and I have nothing else to do other than yell out at night for help. I know there's nobody out there to hear it, nobody's going to be there really when I breath my last few bits of air... I'll just be lying on the floor my mask touching the cold frozen ground, senseless as it always has been with the idea behind it that will or will not survive... Will not survive because nobody wants it to... Ideas are bulletproof but are they really worth existence if they are not even wanted in this world of violence and pain?

I have made the mask finally, it's as scary as it could be and it's drying in the other room, the room I make my masks in... I hope I'll get to wear it once before I go completely insane... I have noticed that things aren't exactly on my side... eve those that used to be on my side, with me... next to me... I am scared of living on this earth, people want to harm me even thou they don't know me, never heard my music and never though of what i'm trying to do...


I'm trying to live, whatever there is, why won't it let me live... I know everybody has rights to pursue the happiness... even if one must be miserable... you can't simply not let him pursue his happiness... take his final hopes and just leave him there feel his life getting closer and closer to the end with each breath he takes...  you cant...

And here I sit...

And here I sit with a big hatred towards all the humans.
What am I an animal? A monster? I do have feelings and life treats me like shit, what is the point of it? I am left with one only hope and it is in no way connected to me or under the control of mine. Regardless, I am slowly giving up that idea as well: surely there's been a lot of time to prove it's possibility of happening but it failed so... a little bit of hope is nothing at all right at this point. I am feeling very angry and nothing else. I have nothing to actually do other than sit down and feel the hatred filling me Sitting down is already a pain on its own, aside with physical pain I am surely aching for being able of doing nothing. The Factory is empty now, I'm not talking of the many many empty rooms  I have everything here doing its stuff only that it feels empty now. It's nowhere close to what it used to be. Things have changed and again I keep saying 'I don't know'.
Where are the answers? They have never existed for me.. it was only questions and yet the more time passes the more questions I get... There're no answers to me, there are no answers to my life... If even lief exists for me... If you call this a life at all...

As I said anger is filling me and it's all cause of this one thing... Being so stubborn, being so naive you forget about that someone precious you have there. Or can one call me precious at all? Does that word even exist in others minds? All I require is love and yet all the humans show disgrace towards me, they keep staring at me as if I'm the ugly mannequin that's about to be throw off the window and steal everybody's attention with it's shattering breaking sound. Breaking, funny that I really mentioned that word, guess that's what you can call it... a break... a total violent, heartless break of someone who has never been bound to be happy... Happiness, only a word in my vocabulary or does it represent memories? I remember there were feelings, fresh new feelings that came coming to me every other day... It was good once upon a time, now that once upon a time is so far that I started thinking if it was all in my head, if I'm just realizing the word 'shizofrenia' or 'paranoia' on my body... with my body... with my mind... Surely I've always had mental instability and issues but not this... All I can say is I have to wait for 5 more days and see the answers. It's yet early to drop my hope... just 5 more days and the answers are there, I sincerely hope I'll have at least a little sign, hope with all of my emptiness, void because simply that's what I have the most right now in me.

I'm waiting for my modeling clay to arrive tomorrow since I can't find where I put the box of all my modeling clay. Once it's here I can finally make a new mask. I find this a very thorough work, I find that with each layer I put part of my... I don't know if you can call it a soul... in it... My masks are my communication with the outer word and yet they also communicate with me. Can't wait till the clay arrives!