And here I sit...

And here I sit with a big hatred towards all the humans.
What am I an animal? A monster? I do have feelings and life treats me like shit, what is the point of it? I am left with one only hope and it is in no way connected to me or under the control of mine. Regardless, I am slowly giving up that idea as well: surely there's been a lot of time to prove it's possibility of happening but it failed so... a little bit of hope is nothing at all right at this point. I am feeling very angry and nothing else. I have nothing to actually do other than sit down and feel the hatred filling me Sitting down is already a pain on its own, aside with physical pain I am surely aching for being able of doing nothing. The Factory is empty now, I'm not talking of the many many empty rooms  I have everything here doing its stuff only that it feels empty now. It's nowhere close to what it used to be. Things have changed and again I keep saying 'I don't know'.
Where are the answers? They have never existed for me.. it was only questions and yet the more time passes the more questions I get... There're no answers to me, there are no answers to my life... If even lief exists for me... If you call this a life at all...

As I said anger is filling me and it's all cause of this one thing... Being so stubborn, being so naive you forget about that someone precious you have there. Or can one call me precious at all? Does that word even exist in others minds? All I require is love and yet all the humans show disgrace towards me, they keep staring at me as if I'm the ugly mannequin that's about to be throw off the window and steal everybody's attention with it's shattering breaking sound. Breaking, funny that I really mentioned that word, guess that's what you can call it... a break... a total violent, heartless break of someone who has never been bound to be happy... Happiness, only a word in my vocabulary or does it represent memories? I remember there were feelings, fresh new feelings that came coming to me every other day... It was good once upon a time, now that once upon a time is so far that I started thinking if it was all in my head, if I'm just realizing the word 'shizofrenia' or 'paranoia' on my body... with my body... with my mind... Surely I've always had mental instability and issues but not this... All I can say is I have to wait for 5 more days and see the answers. It's yet early to drop my hope... just 5 more days and the answers are there, I sincerely hope I'll have at least a little sign, hope with all of my emptiness, void because simply that's what I have the most right now in me.

I'm waiting for my modeling clay to arrive tomorrow since I can't find where I put the box of all my modeling clay. Once it's here I can finally make a new mask. I find this a very thorough work, I find that with each layer I put part of my... I don't know if you can call it a soul... in it... My masks are my communication with the outer word and yet they also communicate with me. Can't wait till the clay arrives!